how to be the perfect bridesmaid

Weddings are so much fun. And being your friend’s bridesmaid is one of the greatest honors she can bestow on you—she wants you to be a part of one of the most important days of her life. Congratulations!

When she asked you to be a bridesmaid, your first thought was probably “I hope I look hot in the dress” (be honest, you know you thought that). A close second thought was likely “what does she need from me?” (or maybe that thought came after “I hope there will be some cute, single guys there”).

I know what goes on in the mind of the bridesmaid because I’ve been a bridesmaid seven times. I’ve been the bride once. I’ve worn great dresses and I’ve worn truly hideous dresses (picture a seafoam green, gossamer sailor dress. I’m not kidding). I’ve been a great bridesmaid and I’ve been a bad one—or at least a not entirely thoughtful one. Through all those experiences, I’ve learned a lot about what makes a perfect bridesmaid.

Being a great bridesmaid comes down to one absolute rule: Always remember that this wedding is about your friend, not about anyone else—including you. It’s that simple.

Your bride may need you to help pick out the dresses, taste the cakes, pick the reception hall, or plan the shower. I’ve done all of those things and more. I’ve had fun doing it, and it’s been torture. I’ve learned that if you do those things thinking about her—her taste, her values, her dreams—then you’ll help her make her wedding day the day of her dreams.

I was thinking the other day of an example from my life as a bridesmaid. I was single, and in the height of my wild party days when my sister got married. I insisted on throwing her a bachelorette party at a male strip club. At the time, I thought that was absolutely cool. Oh what fun to watch hot men dance about in nothing! That’s what I wanted to do, so I assumed my sister would secretly want to do that too, even though I knew her idea of a good time was different than mine.

My sister was a good sport and agreed to go on the outing. I had a blast, dancing, hooting, and putting dollar bills in skimpy g-strings. But at one point in the evening I looked over at my sister and realized she was miserable. Truly, honestly miserable. She hated every minute of that evening. She did not secretly want to do it. She wanted to go home and get a good night’s sleep.

Had I been thinking about her, I would have known she’d hate it. Had I been a good bridesmaid, I would have suggested dinner with friends and a romantic comedy…she would have loved that.

My point is, have fun with your bride. If your bride would like a wild bachelorette party, give her one! But if she’d rather have dinner with friends, do that. She asked you to be a bridesmaid because she loves you and she knows you’re going to help make this wonderful day special. But remember to think about her true needs, not yours.